Shift by Ethan Kross Managing Your Emotions - So They Don't Manage You
What's it about?
Shift (2025) is a comprehensive science-based guide to managing – and maybe even mastering – your emotional life. It outlines what emotions are, why they matter, and how they can be tangibly harnessed to help, not hinder, you in pursuit of a life well lived.
Have you ever experienced having your emotions soar to euphoric heights one day and then nose-dive the next, leaving you feeling like you’re strapped into a rollercoaster you never signed up to ride?
Emotions are complex things. Sometimes, they’re loud and insistent, demanding immediate attention and action; other times, they bubble away beneath the surface, subtly shaping and steering your choices. In either case, your emotional life colors how you view the world; emotions influence your decisions, large and small, and shape your relationships – often without your full recognition or permission. Yet most of us never learn how to guide these powerful inner forces with intention.
The good news is calibrating our emotional experiences is a capacity everyone can learn – and it’s never too late to start. By using simple, practical, readily accessible tools, you can develop the skill set to “steer” the rollercoaster, so to speak, rather than passively react to each twist and turn.
In this lesson, you’ll discover how to do just that. We’ll cover six main ideas to help build your toolkit: grasping the core nature of emotions, using your senses to swiftly nudge or elevate how you feel, shifting your attention to zoom in or out as needed, crafting physical environments that encourage calm or spark creativity, navigating social influences to maintain a balanced mind, and creating a structured plan to make positive changes stick.
Keen to learn how to manage – and maybe even master – your emotional life? Then, let’s dive in!
Emotions reach into every corner of human existence, guiding our choices from small, daily routines to major life decisions. While they can be quiet at times – like faint background music – they can roar to the forefront at others, making it hard to imagine feeling any other way.
Whichever way they might manifest, emotions are indispensable – they’re signals that help us navigate relationships, interpret experiences, and respond to unexpected events.
But before we move on to how we manage them effectively, we must first dispel a common misconception: the belief that emotional feelings are the opposite of rational thought. On the contrary, feelings and thoughts are inextricably intertwined. Physical sensations – like a racing heartbeat or lump in the throat – require cognitive processing for us to make sense of them. Then, collectively, these two distinct components come together to form an emotional response.
Next, it’s key to remember that, from an evolutionary standpoint, emotions aren’t a bug; they’re a feature. Emotions prompt us to flee danger, seek comfort, and savor triumph. Even so-called “negative” emotions – think sadness, anger, guilt – can be useful, alerting us that something requires our attention or a change in approach.
The question, then, is how to keep emotions from overwhelming us or lingering longer than is helpful. While we can’t stop emotions from arising any more than we can the sun, we can influence whether they intensify or fade.
This is where emotion regulation enters the scene. By deciding how to interpret an internal experience, altering our perspective, and carefully choosing our response, we can affect the duration and intensity of what we feel.
In this lesson, we’ll explore two internal shifters of emotion and two external shifters. Although few of us were ever taught how to wield these tools wisely, they will likely sound familiar – you’ve probably used one or two in the past month without knowledge of the science behind them.
But before we unpack these, let’s just pause for a second to discuss an important point: emotion regulation is not about striving to banish life’s storms and seek only sunshine. Instead, emotion regulation is about building the capacity to appreciate, adapt to, and shift from whatever weather system happens to come our way. In addition, some of us may benefit from complementary support from licensed professionals or prescribed medication.
Either way, emotion regulation starts with recognizing that you have more influence over your emotions than you might have been led to believe and equipping yourself with the following tools to wield if and when needed.
We will start our exploration with the first internal shifter: senses.
For thousands of years, humans have relied on sensory experiences to sculpt their emotional lives. Yet few realize just how powerful these channels can be for shifting moods in an instant.
You can think of your senses as internal switches: when triggered, they feed signals into the brain, which then links these impressions to emotional responses. Over time, this process forms feedback loops that become habits, allowing you to quickly recognize and respond to important cues. Intense emotional experiences act like glue in this cycle, ensuring that especially meaningful or dangerous situations become especially “sticky,” meaning you act quickly the next time a similar scenario arises.
Unlike techniques that demand conscious effort – such as reframing negative thoughts or suppressing harmful impulses – sensory-based strategies largely work on the subconscious level. A calming melody can bring relief before you’ve even begun to question why you feel anxious, and a bracing scent can energize you before your brain suggests another cup of coffee.
Psychologists often point to an underlying principle known as the “law of least work,” which states organisms, us included, will favor conserving energy wherever possible. This is one reason why tapping into the internal shifter of your senses is such a good place to start: it requires very little work for very meaningful reward.
Of course, as you’ve likely experienced, that same efficient process can lead your senses to pull you in less rewarding directions. For example in the moments before going to sleep, feelings of adrenaline, anxiety, and action – responses might be useful in an emergency – are less helpful.
The trick lies in intentionally curating your sensory inputs, so you’re not at their mercy. Returning to our pre-sleep example, perhaps you know that the sound of waves lapping a shoreline summons a sense of peace and relaxation. Why not have a YouTube video queued and simply press play when your head hits the pillow? You could even stack multiple sensory inputs – called sensory bundling – to further enhance your desired internal state. Perhaps, a pillow spray or bedroom diffuser could be added to your nighttime routine.
It might sound like a childlike homework assignment, but identifying the sensory inputs that could serve you in emotionally charged contexts – we’re looking at you, sleep – can provide grown-up results.
Next, let’s look at the second internal shifter: attention
We can picture our attention as a mental spotlight, determining which details of life occupy the forefront of our minds. Sometimes, our attention sweeps and scans the environment; other times, it’s fixated on a single idea or emotion.
Our ability to decide where to focus – and for how long – sets us apart from other species. This ability allows us to dive deep into a lingering concern or pivot away when a situation becomes overwhelming. In doing so, we have the power to toggle between two modes: moving closer to what’s on our mind or stepping back from it.
Many assume that facing uncomfortable feelings head-on is always the best approach. Yet, reality is often more nuanced than that. Briefly redirecting your attention can actually serve as a mental safeguard; it buys time for particularly intense emotions to settle. Another way to think of temporary avoidance of an uncomfortable feeling is like an internal immune system protecting you from acute distress.
Of course, everyone’s internal landscape is different, so the art lies in knowing when moving closer and stepping back are most advantageous for you. Broadly, if you catch yourself spiraling into constant self-criticism or endlessly re-living a painful memory, momentarily shifting your attention away might help. Conversely, if you find yourself leaning on behaviors that numb your feelings but don’t address the underlying concern, it might be time to bite the bullet and focus on the issue.
As you go about your day, see if you can notice where your spotlight of attention spends most of its time. Does it zero in on stubborn worries? Does it zone out in moments of discomfort?
As you become more familiar with your attentional patterns, you’ll become more skilled at efficiently and effectively toggling between approaching and avoiding – a skill that is not only practical but tremendously empowering, too.
So far, we’ve explored two internal shifters of emotion – your senses and attention. Now, let’s look at two external shifts, starting with the spaces you inhabit.
Spaces are so much more than mere backdrops; they actively shape how you feel, think, and act. Whether you’re wandering through verdant woodland or striving to find flow in a cramped office, you’re responding to myriad environmental cues that can influence your mood.
The good news is that being intentional about the spaces you inhabit can help you alter your emotional landscape.
The first way to harness this power is to switch your space. Stepping into a different setting can disrupt habituated thought patterns. Choosing an area brimming with greenery – those verdant woods, for example – has been linked to enhanced focus. Leaning into places with particularly strong personal attachments can be an equally potent lever to pull. That cozy cafe your grandmother used to take you to as a child might muster the feeling of a warm embrace – and that's intel worth having for those moments when you need one.
The second way to tap into the power of space is to modify, rather than move to a new one altogether. Rearranging furniture, cutting back on clutter, or adding personally meaningful items that spark joy – a photo of your beloved grandmother, perhaps – can profoundly change your emotional experience in this setting.
Here’s a tip. Why not run a quick “space audit” and consider how your three most frequented spaces currently affect your mood. If there’s room for improvement, play with switching or modifying these spaces to spark a more desirable response. These amendments needn’t be expensive or extravagant. A lunchtime stroll through the woods might be enough to prime you for flow when you return to the office. Or maybe you make a point of visiting your childhood cafe when you notice loneliness is pulling at your heart.
As with all these tools, the tactic is universal, but the form it takes will be unique to you. Invest time in understanding how you relate to differing external spaces, and watch your internal states shift, too.
Now, let’s move on to look at the second external shifter: people.
Sometimes, it can feel as though moods spread faster than a virus through an office. Subtle interpersonal cues – such as posture, gestures, or the tone of someone’s voice – can quietly ripple out. Before you know it, you may find yourself adopting someone else’s excitement or tension, even if you felt completely different moments before. Because feelings flow inward from others and outward from you, relationships have a profound impact on how you experience the world.
Social comparison is a formidable force in this regard. It’s not inherently a bad or good thing – watching someone else thrive can just as easily ignite motivation as foster envy. Likewise, noticing someone’s hardships can make you appreciate your current circumstances or spark anxiety by highlighting the fragility of fortune. Ultimately, the determining factor of whether comparison inspires or undermines you is the perspective you take. And fortunately, that is a choice you can learn to consciously make.
It’s also worth monitoring how often you engage in comparisons. Used selectively, social comparisons can clarify personal aims or highlight areas for growth. Be wary though, the automatic default position is to look for excessive social comparisons which risk chipping away at your emotional well-being. However, if you are careful in when and how you compare, you can transform this innate wiring into a compelling tool for moving toward the life you desire.
In sum, “emotional contagion” is a very real thing, responsible for rapidly spreading feelings amongst family, friends, and colleagues, frequently without our cognition. Becoming aware of this dynamic empowers you to respond more thoughtfully – welcoming the positivity others bring, shielding yourself from unwelcome stress, and choosing moments for compassion and empathy. In turn, this awareness allows you to create relationships that energize and sustain you, further supporting a thriving emotional life.
Now, in this final chapter, it’s time for the rubber to meet the road – moving from learning about emotion regulation to applying it in the heat of the moment. The gap between theory and practice can sometimes feel mighty wide, but fortunately, research has equipped us with a framework to help bridge the divide.
In the psychological sciences, this framework is known as the marriage of mental contrasting and implementation intentions. In our daily lives, we can remember this framework by the acronym WOOP: wish, outcome, obstacle, and plan.
First, name a heartfelt wish – something personally or professionally meaningful to you. For example, becoming a more present parent or more collaborative colleague. Next, envision the rewarding outcome you anticipate as a result of fulfilling this wish. For the parent, this could be picturing a close lifelong relationship with your children – even through their teens. For the professional, this could be the ambition for promotion or simply enjoying your day-to-day experience more. Then, pinpoint what is likely to be your main obstacle to reaching this outcome. Parents and professionals alike could cite an overwhelming schedule, for instance. Finally, craft a plan using an if-then statement: “If I run into this obstacle, then I’ll take this outcome-aligned action.” So, the parent might plan, “If I’m tempted to skip family dinner to catch up on work, I’ll make a clear to-do list for tomorrow, then join my kids in savoring our meal.” Similarly, the professional might plan, “If I find myself irritable after an unnecessarily long meeting, I’ll go out of my way to identify and compliment a colleague’s worthwhile contribution.”
The power of WOOP lies in its pairing of creativity with pragmatism, translating vague but sincere aspirations into a detailed plan of attack.
Remember, even the most perfectly designed emotional shifts won't always work perfectly. You need to accept that road bumps will inevitably appear and deciding how to navigate them in advance. With time and repetition, you'll develop ever better responses to even the toughest problems and you'll find yourself becoming more resilient when things go wrong. Eventually, shifting will become more fluid, and you'll be free to focus on living a well-rounded life well.
In this lesson to Shift by Ethan Kross, you’ve learned that…
You have far more influence over your emotions than you might suspect.
Your emotional life doesn’t have to feel like an unpredictable rollercoaster ride. Simple, practical strategies – such as being intentional with your attention and the spaces you inhabit or curating your sensory inputs and the people around you – can go a long way toward helping you navigate the highs and lows you encounter each day. Instead of feeling powerless in the face of strong emotions, you can choose to shape how you respond and the meaning you make of each experience.
Remember, the aim is to develop the capacity to deftly shift between emotional states, not just turn up the volume on the “positive” feels or turn down the volume on the “negative” vibes. A well-rounded life will sweep the expanse of the emotional spectrum, and a well-lived life will entail managing these internal experiences – not having them manage you.
Shift (2025) is a comprehensive science-based guide to managing – and maybe even mastering – your emotional life. It outlines what emotions are, why they matter, and how they can be tangibly harnessed to help, not hinder, you in pursuit of a life well lived.
Have you ever experienced having your emotions soar to euphoric heights one day and then nose-dive the next, leaving you feeling like you’re strapped into a rollercoaster you never signed up to ride?
Emotions are complex things. Sometimes, they’re loud and insistent, demanding immediate attention and action; other times, they bubble away beneath the surface, subtly shaping and steering your choices. In either case, your emotional life colors how you view the world; emotions influence your decisions, large and small, and shape your relationships – often without your full recognition or permission. Yet most of us never learn how to guide these powerful inner forces with intention.
The good news is calibrating our emotional experiences is a capacity everyone can learn – and it’s never too late to start. By using simple, practical, readily accessible tools, you can develop the skill set to “steer” the rollercoaster, so to speak, rather than passively react to each twist and turn.
In this lesson, you’ll discover how to do just that. We’ll cover six main ideas to help build your toolkit: grasping the core nature of emotions, using your senses to swiftly nudge or elevate how you feel, shifting your attention to zoom in or out as needed, crafting physical environments that encourage calm or spark creativity, navigating social influences to maintain a balanced mind, and creating a structured plan to make positive changes stick.
Keen to learn how to manage – and maybe even master – your emotional life? Then, let’s dive in!
Emotions reach into every corner of human existence, guiding our choices from small, daily routines to major life decisions. While they can be quiet at times – like faint background music – they can roar to the forefront at others, making it hard to imagine feeling any other way.
Whichever way they might manifest, emotions are indispensable – they’re signals that help us navigate relationships, interpret experiences, and respond to unexpected events.
But before we move on to how we manage them effectively, we must first dispel a common misconception: the belief that emotional feelings are the opposite of rational thought. On the contrary, feelings and thoughts are inextricably intertwined. Physical sensations – like a racing heartbeat or lump in the throat – require cognitive processing for us to make sense of them. Then, collectively, these two distinct components come together to form an emotional response.
Next, it’s key to remember that, from an evolutionary standpoint, emotions aren’t a bug; they’re a feature. Emotions prompt us to flee danger, seek comfort, and savor triumph. Even so-called “negative” emotions – think sadness, anger, guilt – can be useful, alerting us that something requires our attention or a change in approach.
The question, then, is how to keep emotions from overwhelming us or lingering longer than is helpful. While we can’t stop emotions from arising any more than we can the sun, we can influence whether they intensify or fade.
This is where emotion regulation enters the scene. By deciding how to interpret an internal experience, altering our perspective, and carefully choosing our response, we can affect the duration and intensity of what we feel.
In this lesson, we’ll explore two internal shifters of emotion and two external shifters. Although few of us were ever taught how to wield these tools wisely, they will likely sound familiar – you’ve probably used one or two in the past month without knowledge of the science behind them.
But before we unpack these, let’s just pause for a second to discuss an important point: emotion regulation is not about striving to banish life’s storms and seek only sunshine. Instead, emotion regulation is about building the capacity to appreciate, adapt to, and shift from whatever weather system happens to come our way. In addition, some of us may benefit from complementary support from licensed professionals or prescribed medication.
Either way, emotion regulation starts with recognizing that you have more influence over your emotions than you might have been led to believe and equipping yourself with the following tools to wield if and when needed.
We will start our exploration with the first internal shifter: senses.
For thousands of years, humans have relied on sensory experiences to sculpt their emotional lives. Yet few realize just how powerful these channels can be for shifting moods in an instant.
You can think of your senses as internal switches: when triggered, they feed signals into the brain, which then links these impressions to emotional responses. Over time, this process forms feedback loops that become habits, allowing you to quickly recognize and respond to important cues. Intense emotional experiences act like glue in this cycle, ensuring that especially meaningful or dangerous situations become especially “sticky,” meaning you act quickly the next time a similar scenario arises.
Unlike techniques that demand conscious effort – such as reframing negative thoughts or suppressing harmful impulses – sensory-based strategies largely work on the subconscious level. A calming melody can bring relief before you’ve even begun to question why you feel anxious, and a bracing scent can energize you before your brain suggests another cup of coffee.
Psychologists often point to an underlying principle known as the “law of least work,” which states organisms, us included, will favor conserving energy wherever possible. This is one reason why tapping into the internal shifter of your senses is such a good place to start: it requires very little work for very meaningful reward.
Of course, as you’ve likely experienced, that same efficient process can lead your senses to pull you in less rewarding directions. For example in the moments before going to sleep, feelings of adrenaline, anxiety, and action – responses might be useful in an emergency – are less helpful.
The trick lies in intentionally curating your sensory inputs, so you’re not at their mercy. Returning to our pre-sleep example, perhaps you know that the sound of waves lapping a shoreline summons a sense of peace and relaxation. Why not have a YouTube video queued and simply press play when your head hits the pillow? You could even stack multiple sensory inputs – called sensory bundling – to further enhance your desired internal state. Perhaps, a pillow spray or bedroom diffuser could be added to your nighttime routine.
It might sound like a childlike homework assignment, but identifying the sensory inputs that could serve you in emotionally charged contexts – we’re looking at you, sleep – can provide grown-up results.
Next, let’s look at the second internal shifter: attention
We can picture our attention as a mental spotlight, determining which details of life occupy the forefront of our minds. Sometimes, our attention sweeps and scans the environment; other times, it’s fixated on a single idea or emotion.
Our ability to decide where to focus – and for how long – sets us apart from other species. This ability allows us to dive deep into a lingering concern or pivot away when a situation becomes overwhelming. In doing so, we have the power to toggle between two modes: moving closer to what’s on our mind or stepping back from it.
Many assume that facing uncomfortable feelings head-on is always the best approach. Yet, reality is often more nuanced than that. Briefly redirecting your attention can actually serve as a mental safeguard; it buys time for particularly intense emotions to settle. Another way to think of temporary avoidance of an uncomfortable feeling is like an internal immune system protecting you from acute distress.
Of course, everyone’s internal landscape is different, so the art lies in knowing when moving closer and stepping back are most advantageous for you. Broadly, if you catch yourself spiraling into constant self-criticism or endlessly re-living a painful memory, momentarily shifting your attention away might help. Conversely, if you find yourself leaning on behaviors that numb your feelings but don’t address the underlying concern, it might be time to bite the bullet and focus on the issue.
As you go about your day, see if you can notice where your spotlight of attention spends most of its time. Does it zero in on stubborn worries? Does it zone out in moments of discomfort?
As you become more familiar with your attentional patterns, you’ll become more skilled at efficiently and effectively toggling between approaching and avoiding – a skill that is not only practical but tremendously empowering, too.
So far, we’ve explored two internal shifters of emotion – your senses and attention. Now, let’s look at two external shifts, starting with the spaces you inhabit.
Spaces are so much more than mere backdrops; they actively shape how you feel, think, and act. Whether you’re wandering through verdant woodland or striving to find flow in a cramped office, you’re responding to myriad environmental cues that can influence your mood.
The good news is that being intentional about the spaces you inhabit can help you alter your emotional landscape.
The first way to harness this power is to switch your space. Stepping into a different setting can disrupt habituated thought patterns. Choosing an area brimming with greenery – those verdant woods, for example – has been linked to enhanced focus. Leaning into places with particularly strong personal attachments can be an equally potent lever to pull. That cozy cafe your grandmother used to take you to as a child might muster the feeling of a warm embrace – and that's intel worth having for those moments when you need one.
The second way to tap into the power of space is to modify, rather than move to a new one altogether. Rearranging furniture, cutting back on clutter, or adding personally meaningful items that spark joy – a photo of your beloved grandmother, perhaps – can profoundly change your emotional experience in this setting.
Here’s a tip. Why not run a quick “space audit” and consider how your three most frequented spaces currently affect your mood. If there’s room for improvement, play with switching or modifying these spaces to spark a more desirable response. These amendments needn’t be expensive or extravagant. A lunchtime stroll through the woods might be enough to prime you for flow when you return to the office. Or maybe you make a point of visiting your childhood cafe when you notice loneliness is pulling at your heart.
As with all these tools, the tactic is universal, but the form it takes will be unique to you. Invest time in understanding how you relate to differing external spaces, and watch your internal states shift, too.
Now, let’s move on to look at the second external shifter: people.
Sometimes, it can feel as though moods spread faster than a virus through an office. Subtle interpersonal cues – such as posture, gestures, or the tone of someone’s voice – can quietly ripple out. Before you know it, you may find yourself adopting someone else’s excitement or tension, even if you felt completely different moments before. Because feelings flow inward from others and outward from you, relationships have a profound impact on how you experience the world.
Social comparison is a formidable force in this regard. It’s not inherently a bad or good thing – watching someone else thrive can just as easily ignite motivation as foster envy. Likewise, noticing someone’s hardships can make you appreciate your current circumstances or spark anxiety by highlighting the fragility of fortune. Ultimately, the determining factor of whether comparison inspires or undermines you is the perspective you take. And fortunately, that is a choice you can learn to consciously make.
It’s also worth monitoring how often you engage in comparisons. Used selectively, social comparisons can clarify personal aims or highlight areas for growth. Be wary though, the automatic default position is to look for excessive social comparisons which risk chipping away at your emotional well-being. However, if you are careful in when and how you compare, you can transform this innate wiring into a compelling tool for moving toward the life you desire.
In sum, “emotional contagion” is a very real thing, responsible for rapidly spreading feelings amongst family, friends, and colleagues, frequently without our cognition. Becoming aware of this dynamic empowers you to respond more thoughtfully – welcoming the positivity others bring, shielding yourself from unwelcome stress, and choosing moments for compassion and empathy. In turn, this awareness allows you to create relationships that energize and sustain you, further supporting a thriving emotional life.
Now, in this final chapter, it’s time for the rubber to meet the road – moving from learning about emotion regulation to applying it in the heat of the moment. The gap between theory and practice can sometimes feel mighty wide, but fortunately, research has equipped us with a framework to help bridge the divide.
In the psychological sciences, this framework is known as the marriage of mental contrasting and implementation intentions. In our daily lives, we can remember this framework by the acronym WOOP: wish, outcome, obstacle, and plan.
First, name a heartfelt wish – something personally or professionally meaningful to you. For example, becoming a more present parent or more collaborative colleague. Next, envision the rewarding outcome you anticipate as a result of fulfilling this wish. For the parent, this could be picturing a close lifelong relationship with your children – even through their teens. For the professional, this could be the ambition for promotion or simply enjoying your day-to-day experience more. Then, pinpoint what is likely to be your main obstacle to reaching this outcome. Parents and professionals alike could cite an overwhelming schedule, for instance. Finally, craft a plan using an if-then statement: “If I run into this obstacle, then I’ll take this outcome-aligned action.” So, the parent might plan, “If I’m tempted to skip family dinner to catch up on work, I’ll make a clear to-do list for tomorrow, then join my kids in savoring our meal.” Similarly, the professional might plan, “If I find myself irritable after an unnecessarily long meeting, I’ll go out of my way to identify and compliment a colleague’s worthwhile contribution.”
The power of WOOP lies in its pairing of creativity with pragmatism, translating vague but sincere aspirations into a detailed plan of attack.
Remember, even the most perfectly designed emotional shifts won't always work perfectly. You need to accept that road bumps will inevitably appear and deciding how to navigate them in advance. With time and repetition, you'll develop ever better responses to even the toughest problems and you'll find yourself becoming more resilient when things go wrong. Eventually, shifting will become more fluid, and you'll be free to focus on living a well-rounded life well.
In this lesson to Shift by Ethan Kross, you’ve learned that…
You have far more influence over your emotions than you might suspect.
Your emotional life doesn’t have to feel like an unpredictable rollercoaster ride. Simple, practical strategies – such as being intentional with your attention and the spaces you inhabit or curating your sensory inputs and the people around you – can go a long way toward helping you navigate the highs and lows you encounter each day. Instead of feeling powerless in the face of strong emotions, you can choose to shape how you respond and the meaning you make of each experience.
Remember, the aim is to develop the capacity to deftly shift between emotional states, not just turn up the volume on the “positive” feels or turn down the volume on the “negative” vibes. A well-rounded life will sweep the expanse of the emotional spectrum, and a well-lived life will entail managing these internal experiences – not having them manage you.
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