Lessons from the Book 📕 Own it, Love it, Make it work

What’s in it for me? Turn any job into the job of your dreams.

Do you often find you have the Sunday night scaries? You know, that feeling of not wanting to go to bed because you’ll be back to work before you know it? You’re not alone. According to a 2019 Gallup poll, 65 percent of Americans long for a deeper sense of meaning from their jobs.

While companies have introduced all sorts of unprecedented perks, they don’t seem to make a dent in the disengagement epidemic. Which makes sense. When you lack fulfillment in your career, blowing off steam at the office gym doesn’t make you like your job.

So, should you quit and pursue plan B? Well, not yet. As an equal partner in a social contract with your employer, you have the leverage to transform any job into a dream job.

In these blinks, you’ll learn

how to reframe the dynamic between you and your employer;

how to pinpoint and hone your strengths; and

how to cultivate authentic relationships in the workplace.

You have control over what your job looks like.

If you’re among the 65 percent of Americans who feel disengaged at work, you probably think you only have three options: Quit the job. Stay and suffer. Or activate that backup escape plan. The first two options are unpleasant. The third? Whether you become a yoga teacher or an organic farmer – it would most likely upend your entire life.

Plus, why quit a job you trained, studied, and practically bled to get? And why lose some of the benefits that come with your nine-to-five, like stability and work-life balance?

But don’t worry. There’s a fourth option. You have more control over the situation than you think.

The key message here is: You have control over what your job looks like.

The relationship between you and your employer is a social contract. The terms dictate that both sides have expectations and responsibilities toward each other. In other words, the relationship must benefit both sides.

Consider sociologist George Homans’s social exchange theory. It puts the give-and-take aspect of relationships through a cost-benefit analysis. It states the importance of evaluating the risks against the benefits. Imagine a friend repeatedly sticks you with the dinner bill. You might one day decide that the cost, or risk, of that friendship outweighs the fun.

So, ask yourself, What benefits do I get from my job? Salary? Achievements? Impact? And What does my job get from my contributions? Is it a healthy relationship that benefits both of us? And since commitment ultimately impacts your level of fulfillment, use this analysis to assess your commitment to the job also.

Knowing all this grants you a certain power. You don’t have to wait for your manager to change the relationship’s dynamic by giving you whatever it is you’re lacking. Instead, you can use this newfound clarity to change the dynamic proactively.

We know that change is scary. But what would happen if you didn’t try? Probably more dreadful days at work, right? On the other hand, imagine how good life would be if you could make the changes that lead to happiness at work instead.

A growth mindset allows you to continue to learn and to understand what you need.

No doubt, like most people, you have emotional needs. Perhaps that’s a bit embarrassing to admit – especially in the highly competitive professional world. But considering you probably spend about a third of your life at work, it’s no surprise that what happens in the office can affect your self-esteem.

Not only that, researchers have found that experiences at work impact your organizational self-esteem – that is, how much you feel a part of the team. The more competent and valued you feel, the happier you are at your job.

Which is why it’s important to adopt a growth mindset – that is, a desire for continual professional development. A growth mindset changes the way you receive negative feedback, transforming criticism into an opportunity to grow.

The key message here is: A growth mindset allows you to continue to learn and to understand what you need.

On top of searching for ways to improve, adopting a growth mindset also requires that you understand how you’d like your accomplishments acknowledged. Do you prefer public praise or a discreet pat on the back? Ask yourself: What was my best day at work and why? What happened and how was I recognized? The goal is to nail down what makes you feel genuinely appreciated. After all, if you’re not clear on what you need, how can your manager give it to you?

Once you understand what you need, it’s time to ask for it, which can bring on a little anxiety. A handy way to alleviate this anxiety is to support your request with examples of your positive performance. And the reward for taking this hard step could just be getting some well-deserved affirmation. Since we’re talking about a balanced relationship, your renewed motivation will also have a positive impact for the company.

So, maybe you feel under-appreciated because your salary doesn’t reflect your contributions. Before asking for that raise, take stock of your track record and be prepared to lay out your wins and contributions clearly as you pitch for a higher salary. Remember, the relationship with your employer is a social contract, so you have a right to ask for what you deserve. And if you receive a no, that’s fine. You’ve started a conversation with your manager and most likely received valuable feedback on your performance to turn that no into a yes next time!

Align your strength with the company’s interests for a win-win situation.

As you probably know from countless job interviews, there always comes a time when you’re asked: What are your strengths? Most people tend to have a vague response, like, I’m a good multitasker or, I’m a perfectionist. But what does good really mean? And does perfectionism scream efficiency? As the author says, your strengths are professional gold. By playing to your strengths, you’re motivated to do your best work, which makes you both more impactful and more fulfilled.

So, if you haven’t already, step out of the vagueness and be super clear about what your strengths are. You may be pleasantly surprised when you realize how much control you have in making your job a dream job.

The key message here is: Align your strength with the company’s interests for a win-win situation.

So, how do you clarify what your strengths are?

Marcus Buckingham, author of Go Put Your Strengths to Work, uses the acronym SIGN – Success, Instinct, Growth, and Need – to help identify strengths. Success refers to something you’re skilled at – like editing or using PowerPoint. Then, there’s Instinct, or tasks you’re instinctively drawn to – even if they sometimes leave you a bit anxious because they’re challenging.

Next, consider which activities stimulate you the most, which is tied to Growth. These make you lose track of time. And lastly, what activities satisfy your Needs. If Instinct refers to how you feel before doing something and Growth refers to how you feel during, then Needs refers to how you feel afterward.

Ultimately, your strengths aren’t just vague descriptors. They’re the activities that leave you feeling fulfilled and whole because you enjoy them. In fact, you can’t not do them – they’re the essence of your ability.

If nothing immediately pops to mind, try a calendar and task list analysis. Referencing your work calendar, put a plus sign next to any meeting or task that you enjoyed and a minus sign next to anything that made time crawl. After a week, assess why you liked doing the positive tasks. Finding the things that generate positive emotion is sure to leave you feeling more engaged.

Personal awareness exercises like this put you in a better position to get what you need from your job. Maybe you discover that organization or building presentations play to your strengths. Then assess whether your strengths align with company goals. If so, your newly defined strengths become a win-win for both you and your employer.

Rekindle your love for your work by developing new skills.

Is there something about your job that isn’t working? Maybe your needs aren’t being met or your current role feels like a dead end. But what if there’s a way to grow out of it? Consider this question: In five or ten years, what do I want my most significant professional accomplishment to be?

Next, admit that you probably need to develop some skills to get there. That’s actually good news because learning new skills is an investment in yourself, which is usually rewarded with increased income and self-esteem. Not only do you raise your value as an employee, but you also give yourself an opportunity to do work you truly enjoy.

The key message here is: Rekindle your love for your work by developing new skills. 

So, how do you know which skills to develop? Assess your recent work history for clues. Has a manager ever suggested training to improve your job performance? Were you passed over for a promotion because you lacked a required skill? Maybe you struggled to deliver a project. Why? Probing your recent experience helps pinpoint any gaps in your skillset that need developing.

When considering skills for this exercise, try to be as specific as possible. Ask yourself questions like, What knowledge could’ve helped me finish that project? What abilities do my teammates have that I don’t? Then categorize each skill into three types.

The first type is soft skills. These are interpersonal skills that can transfer between jobs, like clear communication and teamwork. Hard skills are technical skills, like coding or data analysis, and tend to be job specific. And the third type is hybrid skills that combine the two – like the gentle customer service rep who soothes you as he debugs your computer.

Once you have your list of soft, hard, and hybrid skills you’d like to develop, pick the three that would have the most immediate impact on your professional goals. Then decide how to develop them.

For soft skills, a career coach can help keep you inspired and on track. A mentor can share insights from having once walked in your shoes. For hard skills, training courses or job shadowing are great ways to get some hands-on experience. And in all cases, an informational interview is sure to provide a breadth of knowledge. Just be prepared with questions that are in line with your own professional goals.

Cultivate authentic relationships instead of undermining your connection with coworkers.

If you were asked who your most annoying coworker is, an answer would probably instantly spring to mind, right? Perhaps he drives you crazy with confusing emails, bums you out with his bad vibes, or always holds you hostage by the coffee machine. While these may all be valid complaints, fixating on them actually undermines your relationships with coworkers. 

You may be thinking, Who cares? It’s work, not playtime! But actually, positive social interaction is a fundamental human need, like food and water. And the better your work relationships are, the more your job turns into a fulfilling dream job.

The key message here is: Cultivate authentic relationships instead of undermining your connection with coworkers.

We all know the Golden Rule: to treat others the way you’d like to be treated. At work, it’s important to follow the Platinum Rule, to treat others the way they want to be treated. This requires a shift from focusing on what you want to focusing on what someone else wants. With this curiosity and desire to meet their needs, you foster mutual respect.

Another thing to keep in mind is your coworkers’ work styles. According to the author, each workplace has four work styles: logical and data-oriented, organized and detail-oriented, supportive and emotionally-oriented, and strategic and idea-oriented.

Once you understand where each coworker’s style lands, you’ll have a sense of what kind of communication works best for them. So, you’ll lead with facts for your logical colleagues, but will be more thorough and organized when relaying information to your organized colleagues. The supportive colleague, who generally appreciates a more personal connection, is probably open to a more informal chat. And for your strategic colleague, don’t worry about the details, just hit the big picture strategy.

If you’ve ever had an emotional outburst at work, you know that the fallout from it can be long lasting. It can diminish even the strongest of work relationships. Whether you like it or not, you’re an emotional animal and have buttons that can be pushed. But, that doesn’t mean you should be free with your emotions haphazardly. It’s important to identify what triggers you. Are you set off by someone talking down to you? Do you get anxious when someone brings up an unexpected meeting topic? Understanding what triggers you makes you better prepared to successfully navigate negative emotions if, and when, they come up.

Align yourself with your work’s deeper purpose as the final step to making it work.

Have you ever wondered why you’re nursing your tenth cup of coffee after having the Sunday night scaries, but your coworker seems bright-eyed and cheerful every Monday morning? Maybe it’s time to figure out whether you have a job, a career, or a calling.

A job is just something that pays the bills and, if you had to do it over again, no way you’d pick this one. A career puts the focus on collecting achievements and advancements. But if what you do is a calling, then salary and advancement don’t mean much since the work itself is fulfilling enough.

The good news is that finding a deeper purpose in your job is attainable with a little bit of soul searching.

The key message here is: Align yourself with your work’s deeper purpose as the final step to making it work.

You began this process looking for more meaning in your work. But meaning isn’t defined by what’s happened in your life, but rather how you interpret it. You may see yourself stuck in a meaningless sales job, but thinking of your impact on customers can give you a deeper purpose. Reframing the purpose of what you do is one of the easiest ways to find meaning in your job.

That said, you can also redesign your current role to have more meaning. Being more familiar with your strengths allows you to change the way you do your job. For instance, you can take on new responsibilities or expand your current ones to showcase your strengths. Or you can change the way you relate to coworkers and befriend those who are doing work that inspires you.

Lastly, make a cognitive shift in how you see your job, which involves reframing, as mentioned above. Take a step back for a broader view of the work you do. What do all your various tasks accomplish? Where does your work make an impact? Whose dream does it help achieve? And since everyone has challenging days, write a meaning statement, which is like your own personal mission statement for why you do the job you do. Place it somewhere accessible, like your office wall, to give you a motivation boost when needed.

In the end, doing meaningful work requires serving a bigger purpose. It’s up to you to define what this purpose is and then make the required changes to best serve it. And with all the new tools now at your disposal, this should be an exciting journey. Good luck!

Final summary

The key message in these blinks:

Instead of giving up on your job, you’ve decided to go on a different journey toward fulfillment. One that’s about making small changes that lead to big results down the line. In the process, you’ll not only retain all your career skills and accomplishments, but you’ll also discover your true strengths and how to transform them to turn your current job into your life’s calling.

Actionable advice:

Share two roses and a thorn.

In the evening, when you’re discussing the workday with loved ones or friends, share two positive things and one negative thing. These can be things that happened or feelings you had. Not only will this help you see the good in your life, but it will also help you see what you really enjoy.

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What to read next: Work Simply, by Carson Tate

You’ve just taken a look at your current job with fresh eyes. Perhaps you see areas for growth, skills that need to be sharpened, or strategies for reframing the meaning of what you do. This is exciting, but it’s also a lot!

Why not cut through outdated one-size-fits-all solutions to time management and get to know yourself? With the help of our blinks to Work Simply, you’ll have an easier time getting things done!