Lessons from the Book 📖 The Big Leap

Overview

The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level (2009) by Gay Hendricks reveals one of the most common barriers to an individual's success: the Upper Limit Problem (ULP), a self-imposed, subconscious limit for how much happiness and positivity someone can feel. Using research, case studies, and personal experience, Hendricks explores how the ULP can prevent someone from taking The Big Leap, or reaching his or her highest potential.

Much like an inner thermostat, the Upper Limit is a specific setting for how much positive energy an individual can feel. When that setting has been exceeded, the ULP activates, causing the individual to self-sabotage in order to return to a state that is more familiar and comfortable. The ULP causes individuals to undermine their progress with subconscious decisions and behaviors that snap them back to where they were before—or worse.

One of the best-known examples of the ULP in action comes from the study of lottery winners, which suggests that more than a majority of winners burn through their entire fortune within two years. In some cases, winners became worse off financially than they were before they’d won the lottery. Although the ULP is most evident through such large acts of self-sabotage, it manifests in daily habits and behaviors such as worry, squabbling, and deflection. Over time, these habits become equally destructive to an individual’s happiness and success.

The ULP is based on false but powerful beliefs and fears that are often rooted in childhood experiences. Two such limiting beliefs are the notion of being fundamentally flawed, and the conviction that being successful would somehow be burdensome to others. Limiting fears include being afraid to outshine others and the fear of appearing disloyal to friends and family who are not successful. Dissolving these false fears and beliefs is essential for transcending the ULP and reaching one’s highest potential.

Often, individuals are trapped by the ULP in Zones of Competence and Excellence. They might be proficient at their jobs, but they are not fulfilled. The Zone of Genius, by contrast, describes the work that engages with an individual’s passions. In the Zone of Genius, work relies on the worker’s unique abilities and gifts.

The Big Leap refers to the transition from living in Zones of Competence and Excellence to thriving in the Zone of Genius. By dissolving the false fears and beliefs on which the ULP is based, individuals are able to live their highest potential and enjoy the limitless amount of love, happiness, creativity, and success that life has to offer.

Key Insights

The Upper Limit Problem refers to a psychological barrier that prevents individuals from reaching their full potential.

The Upper Limit Problem is underpinned by hidden barriers based on fear and false beliefs.

The Upper Limit Problem manifests in daily life through destructive habits.

Relationships are one of the areas that suffer the most from the Upper Limit Problem.

Individuals operate in four zones: Incompetence, Competence, Excellence, and Genius. Transcending the Upper Limit to inhabit the Zone of Genius should be the ultimate goal of every individual.

Certain shortcuts, such as the Ultimate Success Mantra, can help keep people centered on the Zone of Genius.

Adopting Einstein Time is essential for living fully in the Zone of Genius.

Individuals can transcend the Upper Limit Problem through awareness, the dissolution of false beliefs and self-sabotaging habits, and by pursuing their Genius.

Key Insight References

[#1: Chapter 1;#2: Chapter 2;#3: Chapter 3;#4: Chapter 7;#5: Chapters 1 & 5;#6: Chapter 5;#7: Chapter 6;#8 Conclusion]

Key Insight 1

The Upper Limit Problem refers to a psychological barrier that prevents individuals from reaching their full potential. 

The ULP commonly occurs when someone suddenly receives an unexpected financial windfall. In many cases, a newly rich person will manufacture personal dramas or subconsciously manifest illness in order to get back down to a familiar state of dissatisfaction and mediocrity.

Psychologists have argued that individuals possess a biologically determined baseline level of happiness to which they subconsciously revert after any major life events and changes, whether positive or negative. [1] This continual return back to a set point is known as “hedonic adaptation,” a psychological process that helps protect people from the potential negative effects of living in a heightened emotional state for a prolonged period of time. [2] For example, in a 2005 study at Texas A&M University, psychologists found that the happiness and well being of high-level managers spiked immediately after a promotion or voluntary job change, but plummeted significantly within a year—in some cases to below baseline levels. This phenomenon is known as the “Honeymoon-Hangover Effect.” [3] American and European researchers have seen similar results in studies of married couples, who experience a happiness boost immediately after the wedding, only to find themselves back at their baseline level of happiness after just two years. [4]

Key Insight 2

The Upper Limit Problem is underpinned by hidden barriers based on fear and false beliefs. 

Limiting beliefs are caused by self-misconceptions. The most common example is feeling innately flawed in some way, which is a false belief developed during childhood. Often, this belief originates with a failure to meet the expectations of a parent or caregiver in some way.

According to many psychologists and psychiatrists, becoming aware of fears and false beliefs is the first step toward eradicating them. Cognitive-behavioral therapy, or CBT, is a psychological treatment aimed specifically at changing the patterns of thinking and behavior behind an individual’s difficulties. It offers a method for understanding and dismantling the damaging and deep-rooted misconceptions that lead to self-sabotage. [5] In a 2002 joint study by Yale University and San Diego State University, cognitive-behavioral therapy was proven to be an effective treatment for binge-eating disorders, which are often rooted in self-misconceptions and early traumas. [6] Similarly, a 2007 study at Flinders University in Adelaide, Australia, found that CBT was highly effective in treating perfectionism and procrastination, which are typical Upper Limiting behaviors that often stem from feelings of inadequacy and incompetency developed in childhood. [7]

Key Insight 3

The Upper Limit Problem manifests in daily life through destructive habits. 

The ULP doesn’t just manifest in large acts of self-sabotage like extramarital affairs or reckless financial decisions. People upper-limit themselves on a daily basis. When a woman is having a good day at work, for example, she may begin to worry about her health or pick a fight with her spouse, which is simply the result of her subconscious trying to bring her back down to a familiar state of general anxiety.

Some psychologists identify these continued acts of self-sabotage as “self-handicapping,” and argue that it often occurs preemptively, even before any positive event has transpired. [8] For example, prior to the completion and submission of a large project, a man might psychologically handicap himself by making excuses about a lack of resources and time, or complain about having been distracted by a sick pet or a visiting relative. Studies have shown that this compulsion toward self-handicap is stronger in men than women, due to a greater tendency towards self-preservation. [9]

In the popular self-help book You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life (2013), life coach Jen Sincero asserts that perfectionism and procrastination are two of the most commonly practiced acts of self-sabotage. According to Sincero, overcoming these destructive daily habits requires a multi-pronged strategy of awareness, commitment, and help of an accountability partner. [10] For example, if a man has the goal of finishing a deadline, but succumbs continually to procrastination, he must not only become aware of his behavior, but make a real plan to change it. If social media is a commonly used procrastination tool, then blocking social media sites from his browser can help to eliminate distractions. To further enhance productivity, he may also practice time-chunking, by forcing himself to work uninterrupted for set periods of time—even as short as 20 minutes—and then rewarding himself with a break or an activity that he enjoys. Enlisting a friend or colleague to check in periodically on his progress and hold him accountable can also be helpful for beating the ULP.

Key Insight 4

Relationships are one of the areas that suffer the most from the Upper Limit Problem. 

The more successful an individual becomes, the higher the tendency to self-sabotage relationships. Common causes of relationship sabotage include a fear of intimacy, dishonesty, and a constant need to dominate or control one’s partner.

Relationship experts, such as author and couples therapist Ian Kerner and author and psychotherapist Kristie Overstreet, recommend that couples seek therapy before any damage control is needed, so that they develop the necessary tools and techniques to avoid self-sabotage to begin with. Learning how to communicate effectively is a tool that can prevent problems from spiraling out of control. Couples should seek therapy especially during significant life changes and times of transition such as moving houses, changing careers, or earning more money. It is during such positive life changes that relationships are most vulnerable to hitting their upper limits. By replacing old communication patterns with better ones that allow each person to properly express feelings and concerns, as well as feel better heard and understood, people are much less likely to sabotage a relationship with willful misunderstandings. [11]

In his book, The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work (2017), psychologist Eli Finkel adds that regular “love hacks” can help to prevent the inevitable decline in satisfaction that happens in many relationships. Finkel’s “love hacks” are techniques that don’t take much time or effort, but which can help to keep individuals feeling happy and committed in their relationships. One hack, for example, is simply remembering to touch one another. Couples who engage in spontaneous gestures of affection, like holding hands, are more likely to feel satisfied in their relationship than couples who aren’t affectionate. Similarly, compiling a weekly list of ways one’s partner has contributed to the relationship can help individuals replace feelings of resentment towards their partner with appreciation and gratitude, even during times of difficulty and transition. [12]

Key Insight 5

Individuals operate in four zones: Incompetence, Competence, Excellence, and Genius. Transcending the Upper Limit to inhabit the Zone of Genius should be the ultimate goal of every individual. 

An individual’s genius is determined by his or her unique abilities and gifts. Living in the Zone of Genius means doing work that does not feel like work, and engaging daily in whatever activity produces the highest ratio of satisfaction to the amount of time spent on it. The Call to Genius, the inner prompting to pursue the Zone of Genius, grows stronger as individuals move through life.

This idea that people must find their calling in order to find true fulfillment and life satisfaction is quite popular in self-help literature. But in their book Make Your Job a Calling: How the Psychology of Vocation Can Change Your Life at Work (2013), psychologists and career counselors Bryan Dik and Ryan Duffy propose that a calling has little to do with the type of work and everything to do with how an individual approaches that work. Rather than being something external, a calling can be created and cultivated within any line of work by approaching it in a manner that facilitates a sense of meaningfulness and purpose. In one case, for example, a road construction flagger had created a deep sense of purpose and fulfillment in his role, which entailed controlling the flow of traffic through a construction zone. He loved his job because he understood that he was helping to keep people safe every day. [13] Although not many people aspire to work in traffic control at construction sites, that is no reason the job should not be valued for its utility and enjoyed by the person performing it. The same applies to any job, no matter how unglamorous.

Key Insight 6

Certain shortcuts, such as the Ultimate Success Mantra, can help keep people centered on the Zone of Genius. 

Living within the Zone of Genius doesn’t have to be a constant struggle. The daily repetition of the Ultimate Success Mantra (USM) can help keep someone in the Zone of Genius at all times. The USM is a verbal commitment to focus on success and abundance in all aspects of life. Repeating it reinforces a positive outlook and attracts success, which inspires others to strive for excellence. Another shortcut to the Zone of Genius is to simply decline endeavors and invitations that don’t align with priorities and goals.

Many self-improvement books, such as Rhonda Byrne’s worldwide bestseller The Secret (2006), teach that the daily practice of gratitude can become a bridge to abundance, success, and love. Keeping a gratitude journal and waking up feeling grateful each day can help keep people aligned to their respective callings. [14] Other self-help gurus take a more practical approach. Author and motivational speaker Jack Canfield, for example, strongly advises individuals to invest in the outsourcing and delegation of all tasks that are not directly related to what he calls their Core Genius. According to Canfield, most people fall into the habit of doing everything themselves, when they can delegate around 70 percent of daily tasks to allow for more time to concentrate fully on a calling. [15]

Key Insight 7

Adopting Einstein Time is essential for living fully in the Zone of Genius. 

The traditional Newtonian understanding of time holds that there is a finite amount of time which must be carefully managed, so that people can do everything they need to do within that specific amount of time. In contrast, the Einstein paradigm of time holds that individuals are the source of time, therefore there is no scarcity of it. Individuals need only make time. For example, a father working on a project might be interrupted by a child asking to play. He might tell the child that daddy has some important work to do. Yet if the same child had come in needing medical assistance, the father most certainly would have made time.

Recent scientific studies have actually demonstrated Einstein’s theory that time is relative, slowing down or speeding up depending on whomever is making the observation. [16] Adopting Einstein Time helps people transform their relationship with time and relax in the knowledge that there is enough time to do everything they want. Rhonda Byrne’s bestseller The Secret is based on the idea that thoughts create circumstances; she argues that an individual’s feelings about time are completely self-fulfilling. For example, if a man is always rushing, or harbors a constant fear of being late, he will always be late; however, if he believes he has more than enough time, that will simply be his reality. [17]

Key Insight 8

Individuals can transcend the Upper Limit Problem through awareness, the dissolution of false beliefs and self-sabotaging habits, and by pursuing their Genius. 

Unless people solve the ULP, they will continue to bring themselves down every time they make progress in any area of life. By solving the ULP, individuals will open themselves up to their unlimited potential and capacity for happiness, and move through life in a consistent upward trajectory.

A 2012 study that tested methods for preventing hedonic adaptation found that adding variety to any situation allowed individuals to better sustain gains in happiness. An individual who just earned a promotion, for example, might have a better chance at remaining content and avoiding the ULP by actively seeking new tasks and challenges in the months following the promotion. Similarly, newlyweds might pursue different hobbies or try new activities rather than falling straight into a routine. The study also found that being appreciative and savoring positive developments helped individuals retain a heightened state of happiness. [18] In addition to cognitive-behavioral therapy, these tools and strategies can collectively help solve the ULP and allow individuals to increase their capacity for success in all areas of life.

Important People

Gay Hendricks is a psychologist best known for his work in personal development and relationship enhancement. For 21 years, he worked as a professor in the Counseling Psychology Department at the University of Colorado, and then went on to coach more than 800 executives from international companies such as Dell, Hewlett-Packard, Motorola, and KLM.

Author’s Style

The Big Leap reads as a typical self-help text. It contains daily action steps, meditations, and fill-in-the-blanks exercises prompting readers to identify their limiting fears and beliefs, as well as their abilities and gifts. As a psychologist and self-development expert, Gay Hendricks writes in a style that is conversational yet authoritative and informative. The book reads like one long, informal therapy session, complete with questions designed to spark introspection, as well as plenty of advice and wisdom from the author. Hendricks writes candidly about his own Upper Limit struggles.

Author’s Perspective

Gay Hendricks’s background as a success coach to executives and high-level management from many Fortune 500 companies is key to the book’s perspective; many of the ULP case studies he discusses are the experiences of past clients. His own professional, personal, and financial successes are meant to legitimize his ideas and guidance.

Hendricks’s financial success and high-profile clientele might render some personal anecdotes out of touch for the average self-help book reader. In one instance, for example, Hendricks describes a situation where he is offered $50,000 to endorse a product, and turns it down because it does not fit with how he viewed his Zone of Genius. While he certainly makes his point—that people must commit to living in their Zone of Genius at all times, at all costs—he may also run the risk of alienating the average reader trying to take the Big Leap.

References

Frederick, S., and G. Loewenstein. “Hedonic adaptation,” in D. Kahneman, et al. (Eds.), Well-Being: The Foundations of Hedonic Psychology . New York: Russell Sage Foundation Press, 2003. p. 303

Lucas, Richard E. “Adaptation and the Set-Point Model of Subjective Well-Being: Does Happiness Change After Major Life Events?” Current Directions in Psychological Science . 16.2 (April 1, 2007): 75-79. Accessed April 28, 2018. http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1111/j.1467-8721.2007.00479.x

Boswell, Wendy R., et al. “The Relationship Between Employee Job Change and Job Satisfaction: The Honeymoon-Hangover Effect.” Journal of Applied Psychology , 90.5 (2005): 882-92. Accessed April 28, 2018. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0021-9010.90.5.882

Lyubomirsky, Sonja. “New Love: A Short Shelf Life.” The New York Times . December 1, 2012. Accessed May 8, 2018. https://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/02/opinion/sunday/new-love-a-short-shelf-life.html

Krehbiel, James P. Troubled Childhood, Triumphant Life: Healing from the Battle Scars of Youth . New Jersey: New Horizon Press, 2010.

Wilfley, Denise E., et al. “A Randomized Comparison of Group Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy and Group Interpersonal Psychotherapy for the Treatment of Overweight Individuals With Binge-Eating Disorder.” Archives of General Psychiatry . 59.8 (2002). Accessed May 11, 2018. https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/fullarticle/206650

Kearns, Hugh, et al. “A Cognitive Behavioural Coaching Intervention for the Treatment of Perfectionism and Self-Handicapping in a Nonclinical Population.” Behaviour Change 24.2 (2007): 157-72. Accessed May 11, 2018 https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/behaviour-change/article/cognitive-behavioural-coaching-intervention-for-the-treatment-of-perfectionism-and-selfhandicapping-in-a-nonclinical-population/75F8D77949DBE011950B7A1E9DFB8D3D

Carey, Benedict. “Some Protect the Ego by Working on Their Excuses Early.” The New York Times . January 5, 2009. Accessed April 30, 2018. https://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/06/health/06mind.html

Ibid.

Sincero, Jen. You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life . New York: Running Press Adult, 2013.

Kerner, Ian. “When is it really time for couples therapy?” CNN. March 13, 2018. Accessed April 30, 2018. https://www.cnn.com/2017/07/26/health/couple-therapy-kerner/index.html

Finkel, Eli. The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work . New York: Dutton, 2017.

Dik, Bryan, and Ryan Duffy. Make Your Job a Calling: How the Psychology of Vocation Can Change Your Life at Work . Pennsylvania: Templeton Press, 2013.

Byrne, Rhonda. The Secret . New York: Atria Books, 2006.

Canfield, J., and J. Switzer. The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be . New York: HarperCollins, 2005.

Ehrenberg, R. “Time Warping Occurs in Daily Life.” Wired . September 23, 2010. Accessed April 30, 2018 https://www.wired.com/2010/09/ordinary-relativity/

Byrne.

Sheldon, Kennon M., and Sonja Lyubomirsky. “The Challenge of Staying Happier: Testing the Hedonic Adaptation Prevention Model.” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 35.5 (2012) Accessed May 11, 2018. http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0146167212436400