Lessons from the book Willpower the Instinct
“Lack of willpower is a true epidemic in our world today”
Willpower gives you the power to control everything in your life, including your emotions, your attention, finances, health, relationships, and success in your career. For that reason, learning how to improve your levels of willpower is a must–do.
The fact that you struggle with willpower shouldn't make you feel bad. The American Psychological Association states that Americans regularly name low levels of willpower as a reason why they often don't meet their long–term and short–term goals. This leads to feelings of guilt and feeling out of control. Put simply, we're all at the whim of our impulses rather than our conscious choices, and that doesn’t bode well for a happy and healthy life.
The good news however is that you can do something about it and by putting in the time and effort you can start to overcome your bad habits and look forward to achieving the things you’ve always dreamed of.”
Learning how to fail helps you to perform better
“It might sound counterproductive to suggest that you need to fail to do well, but if you don't know your triggers for failing, how are you supposed to change anything? Kelly McGonigal tells us that the fastest and most effective way to boost your self–control is to watch and understand why you lose control in the first place. This allows you to avoid the common triggers and traps which force you to fail.”
“Many studies have shown that people assume they have more willpower than they do. These are the people who are more likely to fail when temptation comes their way. For instance, a smoker might be pretty optimistic about their chances of quitting and resisting the allure of a cigarette. Still, those who are more optimistic are more likely to give up a few months later. Because they don't know how to fail, they don't understand their tipping point. For that reason, self–knowledge is something you need to develop.
Everyone has triggers and pitfalls, it is nothing to be ashamed of. However, allowing these things to control your life means that you’ll never be the one steering the wheel. Admit that you have failings and do something about them if you want to move forward to a more positive future.”
“There are three parts of the brain that control your willpower efforts:I will, I won't, and I want”
“Most people assume that not giving in to temptation is what willpower is. In reality, it's a little more complex, consisting of three parts of your brain:
• I Will
• I Won’t
• I Want
If you're going to optimize your willpower, you need to figure all three out and work to harness their power. Sometimes the different sides are at odds, causing you to question what to do and possibly make the wrong choice.”
“The reason we have willpower comes down to evolution, dating back to the days of cavemen and cavewomen fighting off all types of predators to survive. Those days, choices were far more straightforward, but that doesn't mean they were less critical. Nowadays, we have other decisions and issues, and as a result, the part of the brain that recognizes true threats has had to catch up slowly.
These days, the prefrontal cortex is more prominent than in other species, and it controls what you think and how you feel. This part of your brain controls all three statements; I will, I won’t, and I want, but different areas relate to each part:
• Prefrontal cortex upper left portion — I will
• Prefrontal cortex right side — I won’t
• Prefrontal cortex lower middle portion — I want
The keys are not to let one part rule the roost and consider all three questions in equal parts.
Did you know? The average human brain is only three pounds in weight!”
Self awareness is a vital step towards willpower
“To develop willpower, you need to understand yourself and why you are doing what you're doing — self–awareness. This is a uniquely human trait, something most animals and mammals don't seem to have. In many cases, your self–awareness can predict the outcome of an issue or how you're going to feel about it. This can help you to decide whether to do it or not.
When faced with a choice that requires willpower, you need to slow down and think about things carefully before deciding. When you're preoccupied or busy, your brain is far more likely to force you into a negative choice, i.e., giving in to temptation and listening to impulses first and foremost.”
“Kelly McGonigal suggests that you observe your decisions for one week and identify when you're making a conscious choice versus when you're giving in to your impulses. From there, see if you can catch yourself earlier, and therefore avoid making a wrong choice.
She also suggests that you should meditate. Research has shown that meditation gets much easier the more you do it, but it also helps you develop self–control in terms of attention, stress control, impulse control, and self – awareness.”
“Follow these steps to begin meditation:
• Sit somewhere comfortable and close your eyes.
• Turn your attention to your breath, breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth in a slow and steady rhythm.
• As you breathe in, inwardly say the word “inhale,” and as you breathe out, say the word “exhale.”
• As thoughts enter your mind, please ignore them and simply let them float in and out.
This exercise will be hard at first, but that's normal. Start with five minutes every day and try to work up to 15 minutes if you can.”
Your brain 🧠 helps you to survive threats by giving you exactly what you need
“Research has shown that self–control isn't only in the brain, it's a body–wide issue too. Your brain gives your body the tools it needs to survive what it perceives to be a threat. For instance, if your brain thinks that you need to run away from a threat, it will give you extra energy; it will force your lungs to work harder to deliver oxygen, etc. This is the “fight or flight” response.”
“Thankfully, we don't have to run away from big–toothed predators these days, but we do have other threats. Kelly McGonigal gives the example of a strawberry cheesecake. While the cheesecake isn't going to devour you to death, it may derail your dietary efforts and affect your health to some degree. This is a threat, but your body needs to deal with it differently. In this case, you wouldn't need the fight or flight option, but you would need the “pause and plan” option.
The pause and plan response is the opposite of speeding up and running away; it is about stopping, waiting, weighing up your response and actions, and then walking away. It calms you down and avoids the internal threat.”
Flex your self control to make it stronger 💪
“You need to think of your self–control as a muscle, i.e., you need to exercise it and flex it to make it stronger.
Self–control becomes depleted if you use it too much. Kelly McGonigal mentions the example of students during “Dead Week” at Stanford University. This is the week when everyone is studying hard for their final examinations, working until late at night, drinking a lot of coffee, and overeating sugar. Often during this particular week, students give in from their studying, simply too tired physically and mentally to get the work done.
Many studies have gone into whether or not sugar can give us a controlled boost, but this is likely to be temporary at best, leading to crashes in the short term. Of course, you should have snacks when you feel your blood sugar is low, which will help your willpower levels. However, it would help if you snacked on the right types of foods, e.g., low glycemic choices such as lean protein, beans, nuts, grains, cereals, and fruits and vegetables.”
“The other option is to exercise your self–control regularly by choosing one topic every day and working on it. For instance, tell yourself that you're going to improve your posture and do your best to follow it through. The next day, choose something else. Your brain may be sophisticated but it needs a break from time to time to replenish its energy.”
Just because you do good doesn't mean you can do bad
“Our brain has a reward system, i.e., when we do something good, we think it's okay if we do something bad. That means if you're good in your diet for a full day, you're allowed a quick treat in the evening. You're setting yourself up for failure! To stay on track, you need to be consistent and you need to tell your brain that you’re going to stick to the pattern you need, without confusing matters with “bad” rewards.
Monitor your day and work out whether you use past good behavior as an excuse for something bad, e.g., a treat or doing something you said you wouldn't. Ask yourself whether that behavior moves you towards your goal or whether it will be a case of one step forward, four steps backward.”
“Remember why you're doing something. Identify when you're struggling with temptation and then try and remember why you’re doing what you’re doing. By doing that, you should be able to overcome the temptation. Also, if you're trying to get around procrastination, ask yourself whether you want to deal with the consequences of putting this task off. The next day is sure to be far more stressful and busy as a result of not doing that particular task right now. Just do it and you’ll feel far better as a result.”
Why you can't always trust your 🧠 brain ?🤔
“It sounds ridiculous to suggest that you can't always trust your brain; it's such a complex organ; how can it ever be wrong? The problem is that your brain often misleads you into thinking that doing something will make you happy when in reality, it's simply a hit of feel–good factor. That can easily sabotage your efforts in avoiding something which is bad for your health or happiness.
When the brain sees something which it thinks could be a great reward, it releases dopamine. While dopamine doesn't make you happy, it does make you aroused and curious. Your brain confuses this with happiness, and anything which we falsely think will make us feel great triggers this response. This can be anything, even the smell of coffee. When you feel this way, it’s very difficult to resist and you’ll simply end up moving towards whatever you believe will bring you a momentary hit of happiness.”
“When this response occurs, it completely hijacks your mind, and you want it more than anything; in some cases, you might not be able to think of anything else. It's essential to figure out what your dopamine triggers are, so you can avoid them or manage them.”
“Dopamine has also been shown to have a role in addiction, so we must understand how rewards make us feel to work out whether it's a good choice or a bad one.”
You can't do your best all the time
“You are human, which means you're going to give in sometimes. This is especially the case if you're dealing with stress. Your brain is always on the lookout for opportunities to make you feel better when dealing with low mood or a stress response. As a result, it turns towards reward–seeking mode. The American Psychological Association reports that the most common ways to deal with stress are linked to dopamine and rewards, namely eating, drinking, TV, video games, shopping, and the Internet.”
“Deep down, you know that buying a new outfit or eating a cake won't make you feel better, but your brain tries to trick you into thinking it will. Instead, try activities such as sports, general exercise, listening to music, massage, meditating, doing something creative, yoga, socializing with your friends or family, or reading. These activities are linked with the happy hormones in your brain, such as serotonin and oxytocin. These hormones kick out the stress response and turn to healing and calmness instead. Using these activities, you're making the switch towards recovery, which is far better than a reward.”
Instant gratification is the fast track to a problematic future
“We all put things off until tomorrow when we really can't be bothered to do them today. This is procrastination at its finest, and using instant gratification often leads to a difficult tomorrow. Instant gratification means doing something which gives you that instant hit of relief or happiness. In the case of procrastination, you’re getting that feel–good factor from not doing something, because you don’t want to or you find the task too difficult.”
“Daniel Gilbert, a psychologist at Harvard University, claims that humans are the only species on earth who think about the future in a meaningful manner. This can be a good thing, but it can also be harmful when we put things off that we really should be doing in the here and now.
Economists use a theory called “delay discounting.” This means that if you have to wait for a reward, it doesn't mean much to you. A slight delay can alter the value quite drastically. You can use this method for your greater good.
Whenever you think about putting something off, i.e., you're using delayed gratification, trying to make yourself feel good in the moment, wait 10 minutes before making your decision. By waiting, the reward, i.e., not having to do that task today, will feel far less valuable. As a result, you'll see the consequences of what you'll face tomorrow, and you're more likely to get on and complete it right now.”
Conclusion
“Understanding that willpower is something we all have problems with helps you know more about this somewhat complex subject. While it's impossible to be 100% self–controlled all the time, you can do a lot to try and increase your level of self–control and question decisions you're making before they lead to action. By doing this, you’ll automatically increase your willpower levels and find it easier to say “no” to things that don’t serve you well.
As humans, we're flawed, but that's what makes us so unique. Every day you're faced with choices, and making the right one all the time is extremely difficult. However, you can commit yourself to try to make the right choices most of the time. This takes willpower. Be kind to yourself and understand that you can’t get it right all the time, but you can at least try to make the right choices.
Taking the easy route today doesn't make for an easier tomorrow; in most cases, it leads to a more difficult time to come. Learning what your anti–willpower triggers are can help you to avoid them, or at least manage them, over the long term.
Nobody is perfect. That's something we all need to understand. We often beat ourselves up when we make a bad choice or give in when we know we probably shouldn't. It's essential to forgive yourself and just move on the following day if that happens to you. Learn from the experience and vow to do better next time.
Try this
• How does it feel when you fail to exert willpower? Examine the emotions and responses you have, and work out what your triggers are
• Are you suppressing any specific thoughts or feelings? These could be leading you towards the wrong path. Instead, acknowledge them and allow them to float in and out of your life
• Do you surround yourself with positive, self–controlled people? We mirror those around us, so maybe it's time to look at your circle!”
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