Lessons from the Book 📚 It's Not Supposed to be this way

Overview

If you are in a difficult, heart-wrenching situation, it’s likely hard for you to imagine how God could put you through this if He really loves you. But all you need to do is surrender and trust His plan.

In It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way (2018), Lysa TerKeurst writes about her personal experience in finding the strength to put all your life into the hands of God and trust that He still longs to help you, and that He loves you.

It’s difficult to live assured when life doesn't turn out like you expected, and doubts start creeping in from every crack in your faith. Yet you have the power to shut down the voice of evil and stay focused on the truth that you know deep down, that God knows what He is doing, and He is putting you through hardship to prepare you for better things.

Insights from Introduction and Chapter 1

#1

Each of us has a vision of how our life should turn out. None of us want to skip to the end of our story and see what happens – we’d rather write it ourselves. We feel very assured about how things should turn out.

#2

Unfortunately, we live in the uncertainty of not being able to predict or control the outcome of our life. We say we trust God, but secretly we keep worrying and work ourselves up trying to control our outcomes.

#3

We praise God when our life looks like what we thought it would, then we question Him when it doesn’t, and walk away.

#4

We shouldn’t lose our hope. We can’t predict or control the outcome of our circumstances, but we can be sure that we’ll be okay. We will be victorious because Jesus is victorious (1 Corinthians 15:57).

#5

We have to fill ourselves up with something when we rid ourselves of our misguided expectations and narrow perspectives. So we’ll learn to recognize our empty spaces, our hunger, and fill the emptiness with the living water of God's truth. His Word is tailor-made to transform the hurting human heart.

#6

The human heart was created in the context of the Garden of Eden, which was perfection. However, we don’t live there now, and that’s why we keep facing disappointments.

#7

Sometimes to get your life back, you have to face the fact that what you thought your life would look like is simply an illusion and not the reality.

#8

Disappointment is when we feel that things should be better than they are now. Yet, disappointment isn’t proof that God is withholding good things from us. We should view it as His way of leading us Home.

#9

If the enemy can isolate us, he can influence us, penetrate our minds and control how we feel about ourselves, life, and God.

#10

We can never get to appreciate or even acquire the hope of finding True Love in God if lesser loves don’t disappoint. Start viewing your failed loves as one step closer to reaching God.

#11

God knows that before we eternally dwell beside Him in Heaven, we will have to learn how to wrestle well in life. In the new Eden, we won’t need to wrestle well, because we will be well. But we can’t get there without first fighting during our time here.

Insights from Chapter 2

#1

God made us from dust. He gave us life, and we need to treat that life well. He gave us a body that has to die, and it will. But after we die, God will make our bodies new again.

#2

Dust doesn’t always signify the end – sometimes dust needs to be there for a new beginning to take place, like a phoenix rising out of its own ashes.

#3

Death is but a passageway for us to leave this broken world full of imperfections at the appointed time of God and be accepted to the home we have been waiting for our entire life.

#4

We don’t determine when this happens, yet we don't have to fear death and view it as an end. It's another beginning.

#5

When God’s timing seems questionable, His lack of intervention seems hurtful and negligent to us, and His promises seem doubtful. But we need to remember He knows better than we do. We should stop thinking we could do His job better than Him.

#6

In our broken world, broken things happen. Luckily for us, dust is the exact ingredient God loves to use. God is our only source of perfection in this world, and He sees a perfect plan for our dust.

#7

God's timing is not always clear, but His promises are always true. If you want His promises, trust His process.

Insights from Chapter 3

#1

Dust is what you have in front of you. A glorious remaking is what God has planned for you. You can’t fix the pain of today. But you can choose to live for the glorious remaking.

#2

God doesn't always make everything better right away. Sometimes He lets us suffer for a while, but it doesn’t mean He doesn’t love us.

#3

From what he suffered, Jesus learned obedience. He was entirely God, but still entirely human. His divinity was complete, but his humanity evolved, matured, and learned how to be obedient. You have to learn obedience if you wish to have peace.

#4

We could have so much less anxiety, fear, angst, and heartbreak if we simply, truly trust God.

#5

Trusting God means trusting His timing. Trusting God means trusting His way. God loves us too much to answer our prayers at any moment other than the right time, and in any way other than the right way.

#6

If you want to know why God hasn’t answered your prayers, it’s because He has a better plan. He knows that you will stop on the path if you see it all, and He wants you to trust Him.

#7

The longer we avoid the feeling, the more we delay our healing. God doesn’t want to be explained; all He wants is to be invited in. Don’t think disappointments are a reason to run away; they are simply the reason to turn a different way.

Insights from Chapter 4

#1

If you get desperate enough, you will then be able to go all the way and live slow for a while. You’ll be able to quiet down all the outside noise so God’s voice can become the loudest voice in your life.

#2

It’s not an easy task to just quit life as it is, but some things we can cut, like social media, television, useless extra activities… Use your time to listen to God, read His Word, listen to praise music, speak with pastors, and open yourself up for His love.

#3

When you live slow for a season, Jesus will gain access to the parts of you that are usually covered up by everyday distractions.

#4

You have to learn to control how much you allow fear to have access to your life. To fear is to be human, but you can’t let it take you off the right path.

#5

The enemy wants you to become paralyzed and compromised by what-ifs, opinions, accusations, and misunderstandings. Do not let yourself go astray.

#6

To dwell well in this life requires you to make peace with being naked and unashamed.

#7

You must let God’s Word become the words of your story. You are deeply loved by Him, even in your most vulnerable form.

Insights from Chapter 5

#1

We are imperfect because we are unfinished. It’s completely normal. God does not expect us to be perfect, because we cannot be in the first place – only He is. Therefore, we should stop expecting ourselves and others to be.

#2

While God wants to see us transformed, Satan wants to see us paralyzed. God converts with truth, but the enemy perverts the truth.

#3

When you are creating things, you resemble God, the Creator, so don’t be afraid to go out there and make things.

#4

If you ever hope to have a true and deep compassion for others, you must first have that compassion for yourself. It all starts with you.

#5

In order to grow your compassion, you need to discover God’s compassion and believe in it. You must know that His compassion is alive and well, and that He is winning the epic battle of good against evil.

#6

Always think, when people witness you, do they see the compassion of their Creator? Try to keep that in mind always.

#7

Ponder the number of times you’ve let imperfections cause you to be too hard on yourself and too harsh with others, and think of how to limit that going forward.

#8

Try to envision what your daily life could look like if you practiced bringing compassion as you show up for others.

Insights from Chapter 6

#1

The act of hoping means acknowledging reality in the very same breath that you acknowledge God’s sovereignty.

#2

When things become hard and stay that way for a while, every day feels more like a walk on a tightrope than a solid and secure road into the future. Still, your hope should remain tied to the unchanging promise of God, that He will deliver you.

#3

Know that you must walk through God’s process before seeing His fulfilled promise.

#4

Remember that despite how much life’s problems pile up on you, God is never picking on you. On the contrary, he is picking you, to live out His promises.

#5

You will need to walk through the low places of the process before becoming perfectly equipped to live those promises. His presence is in the process, and this process is purposeful.

#6

This process is not a cruel way to punish you or keep you away from the promises; it’s the exact preparation you’ll need to handle those promises. God would much rather you be prepared than be comfortable and miss out on His blessings.

Insights from Chapters 7-8

#1

Rest assured: if you are going through very tough times, God doesn’t expect you to handle it. So don’t despair that you aren’t. He wants you to hand this over to Him.

#2

God doesn’t want you to rely on yourself, but on His strength. If you keep walking around thinking that God won’t give you more than you can handle, you become suspicious of Him when he does, and you set yourself up for disappointment.

#3

When you surrender to God, you’re not giving in – you’re giving up, letting go of all the weight of all that’s too much for you, to God.

#4

It’s up to you to choose whether to stay stuck in your hurt, or get renewed in your heart. God isn’t far off and distant. He’s closer than you often realize.

#5

Often, the worst parts of your life are in reality gateways to the very best parts you’d never want to part with.

#6

Not all hardship is your own fault. Sometimes it’s God setting you up for future blessings. When He chooses you for suffering, you are chosen for the blessing of displaying the works of God.

#7

Don’t think of it as God causing the suffering – think of it as Him allowing it. Your deepest desperation can lead to a great revelation from God. He will use suffering to shape and mold you into a better version of yourself, preparing you for your purpose.

#8

Not only will your suffering produce perseverance, but it will give birth to hope.

Insights from Chapter 9

#1

Remaining connected with God and staying in control of your conscience will ensure a pure and good heart. Do not ignore the Bible and its teachings, and do not allow anyone to quiet your conscience.

#2

The enemy, Satan, attempts to take control of your conscience through temptation and deception. Your downfall is put in motion when the enemy manages to birth dangerous desires and unsettling disappointments within you.

#3

Temptation will only take you down if the enemy shields its consequences from you. Thus, you must hold on to the truth and use it to shed light on the horrors that the enemy is tempting you to reach through his deceptive scheme.

#4

God made your soul equipped with the ability to respond to the truth which He has specifically written to empower mankind. On the other hand, deception is created and orchestrated by Satan himself to push you away from the light of God and His worship.

#5

Be true to your most humble, healthy self that heals through the worship of God. Surrender yourself fully to God and His teachings. Abiding by His Word is what He expects from you. Perfection is not among God’s exigences of mankind.

#6

The hunger of your soul can only be fulfilled by the truth. Listening to the word of Satan will make you prone to fulfilling your soul hunger with deception.

#7

Reflect on the way you are letting the enemy penetrate into your soul. Ponder on the ways he comes after you and try to pinpoint the warning signs that accompany your temptations.

Insights from Chapter 10

#1

Do not actively seek comfort. It will come naturally when you stay close to God.

#2

Going through suffering and pain is better than being subdued into a state of false security where you become passive.

#3

You must become less attached to the ways that human beings process and adapt to circumstances. Instead, you must seek to be more saturated with Jesus Christ in order to be more and more like Him.

#4

Remember that the disappointments that life throws at you are in reality a divine opportunity to witness the innovative forces of God. Misunderstanding such circumstances translates a direct misunderstanding of God and his Word.

#5

Keep in mind the reciprocal power of truth and deception. The enemy’s lies are deflated when God’s truth is learned and expressed.

#6

Employing God’s truth as a means of fighting the enemy does not change what you see. Instead, it radically alters the way you see things. Your perspective is changed.

#7

Think of the certainties and comforts that you crave. These could lead you to straying away from the Word of God by making you complacent over time.

#8

People always need fighting words ready to declare the truth of God in difficult situations. Find declarations that speak to your heart and arm yourself with them through hardships and disappointments.

Insights from Chapter 11

#1

In the eternity of the afterlife, everything will be turned on its head. Joy will replace grief, golden crowns will replace crowns of thorns, and chants of thanksgiving will replace heartbreaks.

#2

To be truly human, you must achieve a perfect trinity of love, life, and pain. Living means loving, and loving means risking pain. To risk pain, however, is to live.

#3

Connect with others through genuine tears and connect with God through genuine trust. Switch your own will to the will of God because He will reward you for your trust in Him.

#4

Everyone must try to lead a life with Jesus Christ. The process involves purposeful pain and joy.

#5

The process of making a life with Jesus might appear to be full of hardships, but you must refuse to be intimidated by it. Allow yourself to make errors. Perfection should not be the goal you seek through your journey.

#6

Free yourself from fear and doubts. Your ability to create a beautiful future is only increased when you free yourself from such negative emotions.

#7

Many people break under the weight of being their own gods. You should not allow yourself to carry such a load on your back.

#8

Seek to make others see that they are not alone in the world. By showing others that you exist with them, you make the world a better place for everyone to coexist in.

Author’s Style

Lysa TerKeurst’s writing style is reminiscent of a church pastor’s way of speaking, which is very fitting for the spiritual, Christian subject matter of this book. She mostly writes in short, one-sentence paragraphs to preach the truth she believes in, about the power of trusting God, and includes vignettes from her personal life to illustrate what she is saying. Each chapter is followed by a selection of recommended Bible readings and several reflection questions to help readers relate the subject matter to their own lives.

Author’s Perspective

Lysa TerKeurst is the best-selling author of Uninvited, The Best Yes, Unglued, Made to Crave , and eighteen other books. She is the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries, a non-denominational, non-profit Christian ministry that seeks to lead women into a personal relationship with Christ. She has appeared on the Today Show as a leading voice in the Christian community and has published for CNN and Fox News online. She has a passion for equipping women to share their stories for God's glory, which comes through in this book.